comme des garcons // ray-ban // aesop // vagabond // acne studios // chanel
you never know who's reading this (answer: no one) so i figured it might be astute to curate a visual compendium of all the things i'm currently lusting after. just in case, you know. i need none of this, but i want it all.
since i've moved away from california, my skin has completely changed from oily and acne-prone to normal with occasional patches of dryness. i don't know whether to attribute this to the fact that i am actually kind of an adult now, with my teenage skin problems a thing of the past OR to my skin loving the climate of my european surroundings. i'd like to think it's a combination of the two.
i'm all about having clear skin for the first time in a long time, but the dryness was not something that i was loving.
so i went on the hunt for a good exfoliating scrub that would simultaneously slough away the dead skin and leave it feeling soft and moisturized. ocean salt from lush is kind of perfect for this. the chunky pieces of sea salt gently scrub away at the offensive dry spots, while the avocado butter and coconut oil leave my skin so soft and smooth. i should also mention that it smells absolutely gorgeous! the combination of grapefruit and vodka infused (!!) limes is heavenly and lingers on the skin in the most lovely way. definitely a new staple in my skin care arsenal.
Two things that I love are black on black on black (...on black) & magazine freebies, so this month's UK Glamour definitely delivered. Black nail polish has been a staple of mine since my ~witchy~ childhood, but as I've gotten older, I like to think of my propensity for noir more as an influence of parisienne street style, rather than the addams family/the craft-influenced dark days of my youth. I've gone through countless amount of bottles of the black stuff, starting out with 99 cent bottles of wet n wild, and eventually graduating onto Essie's licorice. When I saw this shade I knew I just had to have it. I've been super pleased with all the nails inc. shades I've used in the past (Motcomb Street is another shade I love - it's basically a navy that looks...black.) so I knew this would be no exception. It's everything I could ever want in a nail polish...dark, creamy, glossy, and opaque in one coat. I've only had it on for a day, but no sign of any chipping just yet. It's perfection and would make Morticia (or Fiona Goode) very proud.
From the City of Angels to the Big Smoke to the Emerald Isle, I am on the move yet again. I don't think I'm sad to leave London behind (I know I will return someday soon). My life has become somewhat nomadic and I think the gypsy lifestyle is rather becoming. Wanderlust has been the motivation behind all my recent life decisions, and I know my thirst for experience and knowledge will all contribute to my personal development. I am not lost. I am not in search of a place of belonging or a proverbial home. I'm beginning to recognize that home has nothing to do with latitude and longitude, but rather is a state of mind that I experience when I am at peace and in balance. I need to cultivate a sense of home and belonging within myself, and I have reached the conclusion that traveling is what I need. I'm so excited to see what the coming months will bring. I am determined to find my own sense of personal enlightenment, being a stranger in foreign cities and wandering unknown streets.
I've begun the long process of dissertation writing...something I should have probably started months ago, but c'est la vie. Now I can no longer deny the existence of it's impending due date. Thank heavens I've managed to come up with an idea that I find incredibly fascinating. I'll be writing about Fitzgerald's use of physical landscapes as social and political commentary in a selection of his novels and short stories...an idea that just hit me out of the blue and one that my supervisor seems to think is quite an 'excellent idea'. The roaring twenties, or the Jazz Age, as Fitzgerald liked to refer to it as, is one of my favorite time periods. The era has been a bit overexposed as of late thanks to the film adaptation of The Great Gatsby (which I still can't decide if I loved) but I have always been captivated by it. Fitzgerald is my all time favorite writer...he just has a magical way of capturing and immortalizing moments of beautiful melancholy and profundity through his lyrical and evocative words.
I don't even know what I'm trying to do. Those last few blog posts were so not me. I was trying to be someone and something that I'm not. Fuck that. It's 5 am, I haven't slept and my mind is not at peace. It's real time right now. My first instincts are to delete the last few posts...sure they reflect my opinions and what I've been up to, but they are not me, but I'll leave them there as a reminder to myself not to try be something I'm not. I don't even know what I want. I want to say that I don't know who I am, but the truth is, I'm not sure if that's true. I think I do know who I am, and I just don't like the answer. What I want, that's another thing altogether. I thought London was the answer. I told people that coming here was not an escape, but we all know it was. God knows what I expected from this place. It's beautiful and I hate it and it's ugly and I love it. I will never belong to this place and it will never belong to me. It will always have a place in my heart, but it will never be home. Home has never been home either and I think I've been predestined to a life of wandering, from one place to another. I don't possess the ability to form connections with people and maybe that's what I dislike about myself. I'm not unhappy, not depressed, yet I revel in my own melancholy. I find sadness beautiful and so I don't do anything about it. Silence is my softest, warmest blanket. Solitude is all I know and she's my best friend. All I can think of these days is Paris. It's my new London. When I was in LA, I convinced myself that London would change everything. It didn't and that's because I didn't let it. I tell myself that Paris will change everything but it won't. Because I don't want it to. I'm afraid I'll exhaust the list and run out of places to run to. No city is going to give me what I want. I'm reaching for the stars.